Daily Archives: December 1, 2010


Have you ever… 3

Has anyone else ever, EVER gotten up, showered, gotten dressed and walked out the front door and then remembered only after walking out that front door,  that you can’t go anywhere because you have a baby who’s sleeping?

Parked far way from the entrance to a store with the false image of getting more exercise (having to walk further) but then when exiting the store you run w/the shopping cart and then jump on so basically you ride your way back to your car?  No exercise there, sorry. I do that a lot.

Have you ever told your child that you’d take them to an Easter egg hunt and then was dreaming about your child being abducted at said Easter egg hunt at the exact moment your child wakes you up to go and you firmly let them know that there is no way in hell that you’re taking them to that Easter egg hunt?

Have you ever scared one of your children’s teachers?  Really, I’m not a scary person.

As a mini-teen made sure you were the one to get the mail just to remove the bad letters from the school about you so your parents wouldn’t see them?

As a child, gotten lost on purpose at a department because once it happened by accident and you got candy?

Climbed out the window during class in elementary school?   Fyi, parents don’t take to that one so much.

Anyone else dance w/a cat every night?  Apparently Boo has taken to it and head butts me until I pick him up and dance with him.

Wanted to turn the heat up to 78 but put it up to 80 instead…because it would warm up faster?   Early 20’s, but guilty.

As a teen had to call your mom (ahem…who wasn’t speaking to you because of the last go round) to ask her if she could bring you a bra?   Minimal story there, we’ll leave it at that.

Oh, again another mom one.  Anyone ever woken up and couldn’t open your eyes because they were glued shut?  Well hello pink eye, and the only other person in the house  is your mom…and you’re not speaking to each other?  I can’t say “again” because this happened prior to the bra story.  To be fair, when my mom wasn’t speaking to me, I wasn’t speaking to her as well.  Can’t remember which one of us started it for any given situation but we did that. Right, that’s why it sucks when it’s the only person that is able to help you and you’re not speaking to them…well that just sucks.  Also, for the record, I haven’t feuded with my mom since I was 17 or 18 years old.

Been dragged onto a dance floor and walked off?  Right, I’ve done that when I’ve been physically dragged up for karaoke as well.

Gotten a ticket for a red light that you didn’t run?

Gotten suspended from school for probably the only time you didn’t skip a class but was accused of it?

Been tipped a hundred and forty dollars by someone who dined in the restaurant you worked at because they thought you were funny? Right, I know…well over a hundred percent of the tab.

Had all the girl scout cookie money, that you have to turn in, get stolen from you?  Guess what, then it comes out of your pocket.

Um, found out your son had broken his leg hours after the event?

Found out your daughters, different years, different stories, had gotten stitches hours after those events?

Been accused of not being a real mom because you aren’t made aware of these events until much later?

Tackled your 12 year old daughter?

Been told by an elderly gentleman that you needed to go home and put a shirt on?  But really you DID have clothes on.

Been forced, at the ripe old age of 16, to ride an elephant at a zoo so you could accompany your baby brother, you know, so he won’t be alone, and thought you’d die of embarrassment?

Wondered why the other kids in the class knew things that you didn’t, even though you were there every day and  hadn’t heard any of  whatever ,previously and then have it all fall into place when you’re 40 and learn that you are attention deficit?

Left the hospital after your water broke because you didn’t like the nurse?  I know.   I hid in the parking lot to avoid the nurse and smoked.  Okay, yes…I did get a lot of strange looks being 58 months pregnant, in my bathrobe, standing in the parking lot smoking. FINE!  But it SEEMED like I’d been pregnant for 58 months.  That and when have strange looks ever bothered me?  It was the only baby birth that I didn’t trust Rob, he sold me out.  That was my thought at the time.   He was told something that I wasn’t. I didn’t know that at the time though.  I could not believe that he was betraying me.  See what happens when they don’t tell the mom what’s going on?   Right, I had placed all of my trust in him during the 1st 2 and he was fabulous and  now on the 3rd he was selling me out?   I didn’t co-operate even after he’d sold me out until I was told what the deal was.  Yeah,  there was a problem so….why not tell the mom?  Hello?  I’d have co-operated sooner.

Been told (in elementary school) by the lunch lady that you have to eat everything and so, during lunch,  you walked home because your mom didn’t make you eat everything?

Applied for a job more than once and then, finally called the person who had  interviewed you twice and had said “if you have any questions please call” so you finally called and said “yes, I do have questions, why haven’t you called any of my references and why don’t you want to hire me?” and then been hired?

Okay, this one cracks me up.  When I was a min-teen and had gone to visit my gramma in MO and at the end of the visit my gramma and I were at the airport and I smelled something…and complained about it.  It was kind of perfumey (again, I make up words) and completely overpowering. I was irritated that I had to smell this overpowering aroma and I specifically remember voicing my opinion to my gramma.  She was a saint :o)  Always gave people the benefit of the doubt.  Well, at least until they proved her wrong.  I had even pinpointed a woman who I was positive was the reason for this inescapable aroma.  No matter where I sat,  where I walked, back and forth, to and from, as we were waiting at the gate, I could smell this so………..knock-you-out,  not in a good way, aroma.  I remember my gramma being there but I really don’t know who else in my immediate family was there.  I never traveled by myself.  It would have been either my entire family or just Bern.  I just know that I complained and was irritated.   Anyone remember Love’s Baby Scent from way back when?  Highly popular when I was in jr. high.  Nope, wasn’t that.  I’m the one who has always marched to the beat of a different drummer.   For a scent, I wore Love’s Rain Scent. I had a cloth purse at the time.  Right, I know.  At some point in the airport I had slammed my purse into something  and it had broken my bottle of  Love’s Rain Scent that was in my cloth purse and the purse had  absorbed all of it. It is true that too much of a good thing is not necessarily a good thing. That awful aroma was coming from ME!  Of course, at that age, I died of embarrassment that it 1st coming from me and 2nd how much I’d complained about it and 3rd I had no idea who would be sitting next to me on the plane (we airline brats always flew stand-by) so I was embarrassed ahead of time knowing that they’d smell this appalling aroma  through the entire flight and know that it was coming from me.

I’ve always adored reading biographies.  Fiction can be very fun but it’s actual, true stories that gain my interest the most. Why read fiction when there so many fascinating true stories out there?  I have many, many more “have you ever stories”.  These aren’t the most prominent or memorable or most humorous.  These are just what’s running through my mind at the time.  I’d edit but apparently I’ve already posted.  Really…whose turn is it to watch me??   Whoever it is is NOT doing a good job.