Both of my sisters and I have each been married and divorced. When we married we took our husband’s last names. When we divorced we each legally changed our names back to our real names. Claudette and I have married again (although she didn’t marry her 1st husband again. Fine, make me the weirdo) and have both chosen to retain our birth names. She once listed as her status “I wonder if I should list my name as Claudette Austin Austin so that anyone who only knew me by my maiden name would know who I am”. Something like that, it made me laugh. I still like it.
After we’d been married for a year and a day or so Rob went off to boot camp for ROTC. After he left I dropped out of college for the trimester (right, haven’t earned credits since) and brother bear was out of a job. Brother bear and I spent a lot of time hanging out during the time Rob was gone. I had nothing going on and he was looking for a job. I spent more time during that period at my parent’s house in AV than in my apartment in Bemidji. Robert/Bob/brother bear would say “hey, I have an interview in Fargo, let’s go”. Okay, I’m in. At the time Bob had a joke that he’d tell, it was a 2 parter. The punchline of each part was the answer to the the other part. I thought it was great. He would tell the 1st part of the joke with the punchline matching the 2nd part, which his audience of course hadn’t heard yet and me, I would laugh myself silly. That was my job in the game. The 1st part with the punchline for the 2nd part made absolutely no sense. This is where people divide into groups. I would laugh myself silly just to see who would follow my lead and pretend to get it. Seventy percent at least. Twenty-five percent would admit that they didn’t get it…that’s where I’d ask “are you kidding?” then we’d go on to another subject. The irritating people were the ones who would pursue the subject and want an explanation on why that was funny…whatever, have another beer. Where ever he had an interview, Des Moines, Fargo, Rochester, on and on we’d go to and he’d tell this joke. I know, I know, I know…it’s not nice to set people up. Back to WE ARE MY FATHER’S CHILDREN! So anyway, at each of these places Bob would wait around a half hour or so and then he’d tell the second part which made everything fall into place and make sense. Zing, busted~for those who had laughed with me the 1st time. That was where I’d click on my halo light and smile innocently. To tell you the truth it was more fun watching the light bulb turn on over the heads of those who had admitted not getting the 1st time than to see the embarrassment on the faces of those who laughed with me previously.
This came up today, I once dated a guy named Jeff Maki. Okay, I told everyone this but especially this guy (box-of-rocks boy from previous stories) that I would never marry him. Com’on, do the math. Hello? What would my name have been had I taken his last name? I hate it if I have to explain.
When I was a teenager I went w/my gf, Kari, to see the movie Night Of The Living Dead. It was outdated even then but still only played in theaters. We had to go downtown to see it. Growing up together Kari was the one who was scared of things and cried at movies. I was fearless and never cried at movies. So yeah, this whole menopause crap sucks. We got to the theater, found seats, sat down and Kari went to the bathroom or for a soda or something and I turned around and talked to the guys behind me and totally set up my gf. I asked them if they would, during a scary part of the movie reach forward and grab Kari. I know, I am evil. Kari came back, the movie started, I got sucked in and at a very intense part of the movie…the guys behind me reached forward and grabbed ME! Oh heck yeah, ten feet in the air. Thinking they must have been related to my dad as well.
Which reminds me of going to a matinee once in my 30’s while the kids were at school. Went to see The First Wives Club w/a couple girlfriends. During the movie one of them got up to go to the bathroom. The other one leaned over to me and whispered “let’s move”. I have to ask myself this, why the hell did I never think of that when I was a teenager? OMG, so much fun to be had! It would have been more fun at a drive-in theater. Missed opportunities, heavy sigh. At some point I had apparently mentioned to Rob, previous to seeing that flick that I was going to see it. Rob was quiet for a moment…and then said “well….just don’t get any ideas”. I know, a) he was never funny and b) he wasn’t being funny on purpose.
Back to the set up joke thing, I’ve been set up before. Way back at the 1st restaurant that I worked in, one of the cooks told me that our new assistant manager’s sister was skating in the Olympics and that he was very proud of that fact and I should ask him about it. Okay, didn’t know this guy from Adam but let’s get to know each other, there’s an icebreaker. I asked. His response was to look me directly in the eye and deadpan face, inform me that that was not funny…his sister has no legs. There ya go.
One of the years that I was in Bemidji for winter but came home for Christmas I was shopping w/my baby brother, Joe. If not a pre-teen he had to have a least been a mini-teen. He is my only younger sib. It can sometimes really, really suck to be the younger sibling. I have several stories of being the younger sib so this is 1st hand info. I never chased Joe around the house with a butcher knife, thanks for that one Bernadette, I never slammed him in a door, thanks for that one Claudette and I never slapped him across the face when he borrowed my bike and someone slashed the tires…and thank you for that one Bob. Seriously, I used to lock myself in the upstairs bathroom and jump out the window to escape whoever was chasing me. Joe never had to do that. However, I used to tickle him relentlessly when he was very small and when he got a bit bigger I’d pin him to the floor and let my dog lick his face FOREVER. Buff liked it. Joe didn’t. He always told me that someday he’d be bigger than I was…that did happen but when it did I was pregnant w/Shan and my dad was the only one who wrestled me to the ground. Another story. So anyway, Joe and I went to Target and walked out and he found a dollar in the snow. Fabulous find for a kid that age, especially because a dollar was worth so much more then. Joe looked at me and said “wait here, I’ll be right back”. He ran into the store and I waited and watched it snow. I get it, I”m sure there was something he was dying to get. Joe came back a few minutes later and in an out of breath manner he told me “here, I got this for you”. He presented me with a pin in the shape of a telephone that had my birthstone in it. What’s not to love there?
Yep, all very random.
Line from a movie…not exact but something in the manner of “sometimes I see things that remind me of something I’ve read in a book, when shouldn’t it be the other way around?” I feel like I used to be the something that was seen and now I’m the someone seeing. Time for a life I guess.