Daily Archives: November 17, 2010

Holy crap, 28 years is a long time 4

but it went by so very quickly.  Sheesh!  Come Friday it’ll be 28 years since Rob and I got married the 1st time.  Wow, I’m aware of all that’s happened between then and now but still…who hit the fast-forward button on my life?  The best thing we’ve ever done was to get married that 1st time.  Look at what we got out of that marriage, Shannon, Alex and Samantha. Nothing more worthwhile in my life than those 3.  They are each, and in different ways entirely amazing to me.  They each have strengths that I don’t possess, I admire each one of them and would like to be like all of them when I grow up.   That and I do feel like I’ve given birth to the funniest people that have ever lived.  That one, I credit my dad for.  Although he can be more corny than funny at times.

The 2nd best thing Rob & I have ever done was to get divorced.  The children may or may not have preferred that we hadn’t done that, you’d have to ask them that.  Rob and I made a great co-parent team, well except when he dated bimbos.  That happened sometimes. I believe that we were the only divorced parents that the kids couldn’t play off each other.  We communicated.   Shannon actually complained about that once.  Other kids with divorced parents could get what they wanted.  Um, no.  Didn’t happen to our kids. We were a team when it came to parenting.  Tiffs now and then but ya gotta back the other parent.  Whatever animosities that may incur between parents, get the ef over it.  I never kept the kids from him, why would I?  Mom’s need time alone to breathe.  To his credit he was one of the few ex-husbands that understood that child support went to the children not the evil ex-wife.  Kudos to him for that.  Although he wasn’t always employed in the 90’s and that stung a bit.

When Rob was employed he would also cover the extras.  Shannon’s volleyball expenses , Alex’ Boy Scouts dues, etc.  You get it.  I have never met another single dad that has done that. That and he coached their teams.  I never did that.  Okay, rambling here..back to subject.  Yes, the 1st and 2nd best things Rob and I have ever done were to get married and then divorced.  Then ya add the whole getting married again thing and that’s pretty much where it enters a little bit of the bizarre.  I’m aware of that.  Trust me, I never saw it coming.  Hahaha, okay this makes me laugh.  When I started dating him the first time out I wouldn’t let him tell anyone…did the 2nd time too.  So okay, sometimes…just sometimes, history repeats itself.   Really though, you cannot date your children’s other parent!  I am a firm believer in that.  So right, if you do…don’t tell the  children.  Some secrets can’t be kept though…at some point ya gotta fess up or get found out.  Neither is a pretty picture. It’s a pretty embarrassing experience. Right, that and the whole having to tell your own parents thing.  Ew.

Thirteen years. Who gets remarried after 13 years?  God bless my gf, Annie, who told me that it simply was not the same as if getting remarried w/in 5 years of being divorced.  That, she told me, is a security thing.  That did make me feel better.  I love Rob but it is embarrassing marring one’s ex.  He’s better than I am at that kind of stuff.  So the 3rd best thing Rob and I have done was not getting married again, really, that wasn’t the 3rd best thing.  Fourth at best.

The 3rd best was growing up a tad during all those years we weren’t married.  I know, not like we’re grown ups now, we’re not.  Okay, I’m not.  I’ll let Rob answer for himself on that one.  We gained experience.  That’s huge.  I was 43 and Rob was 44 when we got married again.  Thirty to 43 as  a single parent who was for the 1st time in my life experiencing life on my own instead of with a dad or husband looking after me.  Scary as hell for this little suburbanite girl but was exactly what I needed to find out that I could stand on my own two feet as an individual and a mom.  I needed that as much as I need air.

So there we go.  Probably the next best thing after the experiencing life as an individual was maybe marrying Rob again.  I like that.  Still, 28 effing years?  Holy crap!  I look older, physically feel older but don’t think or act older.  That could be a good or bad thing, don’t know/don’t care.  Kinda wonder where the rewind button is though.